Oh sister. We’ve all been there. Whether you’ve been pinning after a guy who doesn’t know you’re alive or trying to get over someone after a break up, we’ve all been in that spot where you just wish you could control your heart.
And I’m sorry to tell you, but you can’t. You simply cannot make yourself get over someone or convince your heart to stop having feelings for someone. Life sure would be easier if we could, but God didn’t design us that way.
So what’s a girl to do?
1. Go easy on yourself. Any time I’ve been in this situation (and it’s happened plenty o’ times) I end up getting really angry and annoyed with myself. I hate that I can’t control my emotions. Hate that I am so affected by another person. I feel weak and ashamed. But you’ve got to give yourself a break. Your heart is wired to fall in love (or like). We were created for intimate relationships. So don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay for you to feel– even when it’s unrequited love or breakup hurt.
2. Control your mind. Even though you can’t control how you feel, you absolutely can control what you are thinking. Stop imagining him confessing his undying love for you. Stop imagining what it’s going to be like when you are dating or get back together. Stop imaging your wedding. Seriously. STOP. You are full on karate-chopping your heart when you let your imagination run rampant. When you catch yourself day dreaming, cut yourself off. Focus. And ask God to take those thoughts away.
3. Keep praying. There was one time I spent 9 months praying, BEGGING, God to take away my feelings for this guy. When that didn’t work, I started praying that he would just ask me out. When that didn’t work, I prayed that he would ask someone else out. When that didn’t work… you get the idea. I prayed every possible outcome because I was desperate for change. I was so tired of liking a guy who didn’t like me back and was anxious for God to change the situation. ANY change would suffice. The beauty that came out of those 9 months, is that I became incredibly dependent on the Lord. I was forced to cast my burden on Him daily, commune with Him, and rely on Him to give me the emotional strength to continue on. It sounds dramatic, but it really felt that way. So keep praying. God does not want you to walk through this alone. He wants you to trust Him and let Him do whatever it is He wants to do. He is delighted to carry your burden and in time–His time–the situation will change.
The bottom line is you’ve just got to be okay with where you are. In time, those feelings will fade away. When I look back on those 9 months, they were some of the most powerful, transformational months of my adult-life. I learned to be fully dependent on God. I learned to be vulnerable with safe people. I learned to be okay with feeling weak and not in control. And then, the best part is now I can look back and see the miraculous healing God performed on my heart. Healing so deep only He could do it.
So keep your chin up. There is light at the end of the tunnel.